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- Codependency Vs Dependency
- FAQ About Codependency Vs Dependency
Relationships are complex and sometimes a passionate relationship can actually be a harmful one and you may not be aware of it. There is a difference between codependency and dependency. Codependency means an unhealthy relationship. Dependency means a healthy relationship. So how do we know we are in the right relationship and what is the difference between these two terms?
Victoria Milan has prepared the “Codependency Vs Dependency” content for you today. In this way, you can learn the differences between the two types of relationships and find out if you are in the right relationship. That’s when “Codependency Vs. Let our Dependency” content begin!
Codependency Vs Dependency
What Does Codependency Mean And What Is It?
Codependency, the person’s anxiety that the relationship will be harmed, the worry that he will be abandoned, the thought that he will not be able to take the relationship to the point person wants and its expansions are included.
Addiction is a state of conflict with oneself, in which a person cannot control their behavior, emotions and thoughts, even though they want to control them.
Codependency, which is one of the biggest problems in relationships recently, starts to make both the addict and the person who is made unhappy.
Codependency is the situation of having an isolated relationship in developing relationships. Decreased friendships, increased time spent alone with the couple, decreased communication with families. In other words, the couple began to be more alone.
Codependency progresses in relationships in a way that increases relationship addiction even more. In other words, the need for each other has increased due to isolation. This situation increases the obligations of individuals to each other.
In these cases, the emotional-intellectual change on one side directly affects the other side. In other words, while being so intertwined is an obstacle for the relationship to work, it also increases the dependency ratio.
People with codependency cannot make healthy decisions and think clearly in that relationship. This thought puts a person in an even more difficult task over time.
In order not to lose the partner in a relationship and the person wants to be the perfect lover, to meet all kinds of expectations, to fill every moment with him/her and to ensure that he does not need anyone else.
After a while, the person develops relationship addiction. The point that the person should be aware of here is to interpret his/her behavior in the relationship correctly. Thinking that you love the other person very much in a relationship and missing them very much is sometimes a loss of anxiety without realizing it.
If the person realizes this, he/she can control these behaviors more easily. However, if person does not realize codependency, the level of addiction may increase day by day. Therefore, one must first be aware of this situation.
As in substance addiction, after a point in relationship addiction, your expectations from the person increase gradually.
This increase process, called tolerance, can end with the other person giving up, saying “I am not enough for you” and “wanting to leave you”. Relationship addiction, like any other addiction, is treatable.
When the person with codependency is taken to the treatment process, awareness begins gradually (ie the person accepts that he has relationship addiction). After this process, the treatment becomes even easier. A one-to-one personalized treatment program and therapy program are applied.
What is Dependency in a Relationship?
Dependency is basically defined as our intention to maintain any relationship. This relationship does not necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. E.g; Whether or not we intend to maintain that friendship in our friendships determines the future of that friendship.
When it comes to our romantic relationships, it’s not always easy to tell if our partner – sometimes even ourselves – has any intention of continuing the relationship. So what are the behaviors that show that we want to continue to be in that relationship?
1- Our desire to introduce our partner to the people we are close to is one of the biggest indicators of our dependency to the relationship. By telling our family and closest friends about our partner, we actually saying “This person is in my life and I want to continue my relationship with him.”. Moreover, with this behavior, we both show our dependency and feel more connected to our partner just because we do this.
2- The investments we make in the relationship and the sacrifices we make for the continuity of the relationship are another indicator of dependency. It can be saving money to buy a bag that you know your partner likes, or it can be more intangible things like the time and effort you put into the relationship. Moreover, research shows that the more you invest in the relationship, the more your dependency to that relationship increases.
3- The fact that you start to identify yourself with your partner shows that the dependency is starting to be established. For example, if you prefer to say “we” instead of “I”, and the events that make him/her happy or upset make you happy or upset as if you are experiencing it, shows that you identify yourself with him/her. This is another indication that you are ready to stay in this relationship for a long time.
4- The fact that person is included in your future plans is another sign of commitment. For example, if you are already planning a festival together for next summer, this shows that you want to be with your partner next summer.
These are behaviors that show dependency in a relationship, but why do people want to continue their relationship? While the first answer that comes to most of us is “because they’re in love”, that’s not always the reason. Research shows that sometimes there are 3 main reasons why we decide to stay in a relationship.
- Personal dependency: Staying in a relationship is called personal dependency because we love a person and are happy to be with that person. Personal dependency is seen as the most ideal type of commitment for the relationship to last.
- Moral (spiritual) dependency: Sometimes we stay in a relationship out of a sense of moral responsibility, not because we love that person. There are many reasons for this sense of responsibility. E.g; Some people are afraid to end their marriage, or people who have children are just trying to keep that relationship for their children.
- Structural dependency: There may be situations where both of the above reasons are absent, but people still maintain relationships. Structural dependency is when people continue to maintain relationships because they have no other choice. For example, the person becomes financially dependent on their partner and therefore cannot afford to end the relationship.
No matter how critical dependency is for maintaining the relationship, even in the happiest relationship, the commitment of the partners may decrease from time to time. It is normal for the dependency levels of partners to vary from time to time.
Sometimes, when our personal dependency decreases, we can continue to stay in a relationship because of moral and structural dependency. Maybe it is necessary to think about why we are in a relationship, how that relationship makes us feel and how it changes us and the person in front of us.
But if you do not think that you are in such a situation, you can happily continue your relationship. What we want to talk about here is basically to make sure that you are in a dependency relationship.
So What Are the Dependency Differences Between Codependency?
|Dependency Relationship||Codependency Relationship|
|Healthy and mutual trust.||The person feels insecure and has little support from their partner.|
|A balanced give and take.||One party has undertaken everything and the other has taken very little responsibility.|
|It has the goal to move the relationship forward together.||One party is the pusher in the relationship and it creates dependency.|
|Being independent and having your own private space.||Confusion of emotions and inability to act as an independent person.|
|A relationship where you are yourself.||A relationship based on boundaries and in which you need to suppress yourself.|
|A relationship where you can live out your feelings easily.||A relationship where you suppress your emotions and feel uncomfortable.|
|You feel valued even when he/she is angry with you.||Fear of argument and constant blame.|
|A relationship that is honest and where you can admit mistakes.||Constantly exhibiting a denialist attitude in discussions.|
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FAQ About Codependency Vs Dependency
Are Interdependence and Codependency the Same Thing?
No! Interdepence is a healthy, honest and mutual trust relationship model. Codependence is just the opposite. Fearful dependency is dominant in the relationship and it is not a healthy relationship. You can learn more about this by visiting our “Codependency Vs Dependency” article.
What Are the Symptoms of a Codependent Person?
People with Codependency usually:
- Doesn’t feel secure in a relationship.
- There is constant chaos in the relationship.
- He cannot describe his feelings.
- It is not a happy relationship.